Sora's Musings

Naia says to RD the other day: my lollipop tastes like the night sky. It was licorice flavored. All I can say to that is wow...what a description for a 4 year old. Amazing.

This week has been really great in a lot of ways. I was recording with Doug on Monday, and the stuff he is doing with my music is beyond happiness. I could have listened to him all day. Which, really, I did ~laugh~. There aren't really any words that I can use to fully describe what it felt like to sing my songs, work on my songs, listen to Doug play piano to something I wrote. All day, I just kept thinking "I could do this every day". The sun passed over the house, and you just have these intense moments, where the sun is sitting low on the horizon bathing everything in gold, and I felt filled with that light. Filled with the light of creation and...of the completion of a cycle. I don't know if that makes sense, but from the conception of the songs to them then being given life, feels whole. There are really just ideas until they are being sung and played, as if the body of the notes is filling out. Anyway, it was great.

And to completely juxtaposition with that terrific feeling, my sense of not really belonging has been heightened this week. I remember this time when I was in elementary school, in gym class we were playing dodgeball. I suck at sports so of course I was hit and out, and then I got the ball and my chance to hit someone else and go back in. So, in my head, I thought I would psyche them out by slowly strolling around the perimeter, with the idea that it would make people nervous, not knowing who I would try to hit. The teacher then reprimanded me saying that it was stupid to not throw the ball right away, that I missed the window of chance to have the best likelihood to hit someone. Of course I felt stupid and really the feeling I had was that I thought I had a good strategy, but really I just didn't know the game at all. That's how I feel sometimes now. I don't know the game, nor how to play it. Especially in the music world. My "path" through music doesn't seem to be the one that funding agencies think is appropriate. That's my dharma...to do things my own way. One of the first things I could say was "I can do it myself" ~laugh~. I think that pretty much sums up my philosophy to life.

It's suburbia and religion and all these things that I feel intensely outside of. Some of my personal opinions seem so far outside of what other people think, and I am specifically thinking right now about how we think of our children and our rights over their bodies. I have had a number of conversations with a number of people in the last few weeks about really touchy issues like circumcision and GPS trackers in children. Every time I come away feeling as if I live in a completely different universe than other people. That other people don't even associate morality with issues such as those. I can't see any justification for cutting parts of your child off unless there is a valid medical reason to do so, mix that with religion and I can get all ranty. Oh, there is so much to say, but why alienate myself even more? There is this idea that we should all live and let live, which I agree with to some extent. On the other hand, if we don't stand up for what we think is right, lots of terrible things happen. Should we live and let live when a child is being beaten? Or sexually assualted? Should we live and let live if someone wants to bind the feet of their child? Personally I say NO FLIPPING WAY. Should we ignore practices we think are wrong because someone has a religious reason for it? That is a question I STRUGGLE with, a lot. I don't have any answer honestly. Especially because I am pagan and a lot of people think THAT is wrong.

These things all push me to a place where I feel alienated from most people. Plus driving down the street where every house looks like a box and is exactly the same color as the next.
~smile~