Sora's Musings

Ye GODS have I been tired this week. So so tired. I am fighting something off I think...K and Melaine were sick this week, oh the joys of 4 kids ~le sigh~. All I want to do is to sleep, for days and days and days.

We were going to drive to BC this weekend, something I REALLY wanted to do, but I am pretty much on call for Meg's birth, so until she births, we can't go. It would have been nice to sit on the dock and listen to the relative silence. To walk the old road and see something green rather than the brown upon layer of brown that is Calgary in March.

So instead of driving through the pass, today we went to my mom's house for an Easter brunch. I felt....very out of place. For a lot of different reasons. Most of all, I am recognizing how different I am from the rest of them. About so many thing...environmentalism, music, children...everything. And difference is good...but when you feel like an "other", it can suck at times. RD says to me "how can they be so different from you? You are all related!". I don't know, honestly, at one time my brothers were everything to me. I would have done ANYTHING for them. I was very inclusive of them...did I just get tired? How do life paths split so far? K has been sick this week, so she was clingy and crabby. My parents are stupefied with her...you have all heard me rant about how they seem to like her the least of all the grandkiddies. I don't know what is worse...the comments...or the judgmental looks. I guess the comments. So I should count myself fortunate that today wasn't too bad on that front. Instead they were all amazed that my 2 year old niece can do a front roll. It's baffling to me....I guess because physical activities have never really been that appealing to me, so I don't value them as much as artistic stuff. My brothers are the opposite it seems. In the end, doesn't matter much. K is a great person...if they can't see it, too bad for them.

I brought my merch samples....I GOT THEM! This week. I knew this would happen, but my parents looked at me like I was stupid and said "do you really think you can make back your investment with these". I blink...and think to myself "why would I do it if I didn't think it was a possibility?". But hey, why be sarcastic...when you can just shrug and say "oh, I think it's going to be great". But enough about that...because I have my merch samples! And they are great! Honestly, I love them. So much. Can't wait to see all the different colors. WEEEE!

I can't even go into the stupidity surrounding the EP right now...because that would take forever. Instead I can say this...going with a new company...and it will be soon. I honestly can't wait because the graphics look A-MAZ-ING. Got hooked up with this lovely Australian sheila, who charged me so little it was ridiculous. She did a wonderful job and I can't wait to have THOSE as well.

I feel these days like an other. My perspective on the world has been slowly changing and now it feels noticeable, I feel outside of what people just take for granted. It can be a lonely place. Don't want to fit in, just to fit in. Just feeling like the odd man out. It comes with a lot of the spiritual stuff I have been looking into lately. The tree....thinking about the tree...a lot....